If we truly want men to become empathic,
we need to become more empathic to men.
William S. Pollock
Thursday, October 26, 2017
Feminism
For all that feminism has contributed to our culture,
it has also brought with it a subtle idealization of women
and a less subtle denigration or misunderstanding of men.
Samuel Osherson
it has also brought with it a subtle idealization of women
and a less subtle denigration or misunderstanding of men.
Samuel Osherson
Quiet Desperation
The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
What is called resignation is confirmed desperation.
From the desperate city you go to into the desperate
country, and have to console yourself with the bravery
of minks and muskrats. A stereotyped but unconscious
despair is concealed even under that are called the games
and amusements of mankind. There is no play in them, for
this comes after work. But it is a characteristic of wisdom
not to do desperate things.
Henry David Thoreau
What is called resignation is confirmed desperation.
From the desperate city you go to into the desperate
country, and have to console yourself with the bravery
of minks and muskrats. A stereotyped but unconscious
despair is concealed even under that are called the games
and amusements of mankind. There is no play in them, for
this comes after work. But it is a characteristic of wisdom
not to do desperate things.
Henry David Thoreau
Greatest Compliment
The greatest compliment that was ever paid me
was when one asked me what I thought, and
attended to my answer.
Henry David Thoreau
was when one asked me what I thought, and
attended to my answer.
Henry David Thoreau
Anything on Earth
So intense and final is the modern
and white man's conviction,
his internal conviction,
that he is not a man,
that he dares anything on earth
except be a man.
D.H. Lawrence
and white man's conviction,
his internal conviction,
that he is not a man,
that he dares anything on earth
except be a man.
D.H. Lawrence
The Third Body
A man and a woman sit near each other, and they do not
long a this moment to be older, or younger or born in
any other nation, or any other time, or any other place.
They are content to be where they are,
talking or not talking.
Their breaths together feed someone whom
we do not know.
The man sees the way his fingers move;
he sees her hands close around a book she hands to him.
They obey a third body that they share in common.
They have made a promise to love that body.
Age may come, parting may come, death will come.
A man and a woman sit near each other;
as they breathe they feed someone we do not know,
someone we know of, whom we have never seen.
Robert Bly
long a this moment to be older, or younger or born in
any other nation, or any other time, or any other place.
They are content to be where they are,
talking or not talking.
Their breaths together feed someone whom
we do not know.
The man sees the way his fingers move;
he sees her hands close around a book she hands to him.
They obey a third body that they share in common.
They have made a promise to love that body.
Age may come, parting may come, death will come.
A man and a woman sit near each other;
as they breathe they feed someone we do not know,
someone we know of, whom we have never seen.
Robert Bly
Use the Last One
You asked for a new idea and
you haven't used the last one yet.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
you haven't used the last one yet.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
The Rent We Pay
Service is the rent we pay to be living.
It is the very purpose of life and not
something you do in your spare time.
Marian Wright Edelman
It is the very purpose of life and not
something you do in your spare time.
Marian Wright Edelman
Double the Madness
The hermit said: "Because the world is mad,
the only way through the world is to learn
the arts and double the madness."
Robert Bly
the only way through the world is to learn
the arts and double the madness."
Robert Bly
It Doesn't Matter What Else
For this is the journey that men make: to find themselves.
If they fail in this, it doesn't matter much what else they find.
James Michener
If they fail in this, it doesn't matter much what else they find.
James Michener
Saturday, October 7, 2017
Essential First Step
Self-understanding is an essential first step for men today. If a man is to be a good father to his son, or a good husband to his wife, he needs to know what he got, or wanted and didn't get, from his own father; how he was both strengthened and wounded by that relationship; how it has influenced his own fathering style and his own identity as a man.
Samuel Osherman
Samuel Osherman
I Am a Lighthouse
I am a lighthouse rather than a lifeboat.
I do not rescue, but instead help others
to find their own way to shore, guiding
them by my example.
Modern Affirmation
I do not rescue, but instead help others
to find their own way to shore, guiding
them by my example.
Modern Affirmation
Full Manhood
I don’t want to talk to you about what it takes to be a
good Morani (warrior). I want to talk to you about what it takes to be a great
Morani. To be a great Morani: When the moment calls for fierceness, nobody
fucks with you. And when the moment calls for tenderness, you are not tender.
You are very, very tender. And a great Morani knows which is which.
Kenyan Tribal Elder (as told by Terence Real)
Kenyan Tribal Elder (as told by Terence Real)
Not a Mechanism
I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self
and the wounds to the soul take a long, long time, only time can help
and patience, and a certain difficult repentance,
long, difficult repentance, realization of life's mistake, and the freeing of oneself
from the endless repetition of the mistake
which mankind at large has chosen to sanctify.
D.H. Lawrence
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self
and the wounds to the soul take a long, long time, only time can help
and patience, and a certain difficult repentance,
long, difficult repentance, realization of life's mistake, and the freeing of oneself
from the endless repetition of the mistake
which mankind at large has chosen to sanctify.
D.H. Lawrence
Be a Man
The three most destructive words that
every man receives when he's a boy
is when he's told to "be a man."
Joe Ehrmann
every man receives when he's a boy
is when he's told to "be a man."
Joe Ehrmann
Middle Ground
Sustaining relationships with others requires a
good relationship to ourselves. Healthy self-esteem
is an internal sense of worth that pulls one neither
into "better than" grandiosity nor "less than" shame.
But the essence of psychological patriarchy is
the nonexistence of such a middle ground.
Terrence Real
good relationship to ourselves. Healthy self-esteem
is an internal sense of worth that pulls one neither
into "better than" grandiosity nor "less than" shame.
But the essence of psychological patriarchy is
the nonexistence of such a middle ground.
Terrence Real
Biggest Mistake
But the biggest mistake I made was
believing that if I cast a beautiful net,
I'd catch only beautiful things.
Prairie Johnson, character on "The OA"
believing that if I cast a beautiful net,
I'd catch only beautiful things.
Prairie Johnson, character on "The OA"
A Self So Developed
Learning to listen relationally, listen with
cool heads and clear boundaries, listen with
the quietness of the heart and the gentleness
of the body, means having a self so developed
it can afford to yield.
Terrence Real
cool heads and clear boundaries, listen with
the quietness of the heart and the gentleness
of the body, means having a self so developed
it can afford to yield.
Terrence Real
More Promising Strategy
Changing one's own behavior is a
much more promising strategy than
insisting on change from the other.
Terrence Real
much more promising strategy than
insisting on change from the other.
Terrence Real
Women's Needs
As women shut down their needs, they
also shut down their sense of pleasure.
Terrence Real
also shut down their sense of pleasure.
Terrence Real
Strength
Strength is not the absence of vulnerability.
Strength is knowing what your weaknesses
are and working with them.
Terrence Real
Strength is knowing what your weaknesses
are and working with them.
Terrence Real
Marital Success Predictor
The most reliable predictor of
long-term marital success was
a pattern in which the wives,
in non-offensive, clear ways
communicated their needs,
and husbands willingly altered
their behaviors to meet them.
Terrence Real
long-term marital success was
a pattern in which the wives,
in non-offensive, clear ways
communicated their needs,
and husbands willingly altered
their behaviors to meet them.
Terrence Real
Rule Surpassing All Rules
The rule that surpasses all rules is that
you must be connected, willing to see
what's in front of you, and willing to move
if what you're doing isn't working.
Terrence Real
you must be connected, willing to see
what's in front of you, and willing to move
if what you're doing isn't working.
Terrence Real
Unhappy in Marriage
Women are unhappy in their marriages
because they want men to be more related
than most men know how to be. And men
are unhappy in their marriages because
their women seem so unhappy with them.
Terrence Real
because they want men to be more related
than most men know how to be. And men
are unhappy in their marriages because
their women seem so unhappy with them.
Terrence Real
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